Professor Catherine Josephine Wilkins cheated on me while I was dying of cancer. She has left me with severe, crushing PTSD. Ever since, my mental peace and life has been ravaged. This is the most painful story I can tell you. I have been devastated ever since. When I think of Catherine, I think of my rapist. I think of the person that nearly killed me as my body was battling cancer and chemo to live. I was her boyfriend and we would have married, years ago, when I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease (lymphoma). Contrary to what she has told many, Professor Catherine Wilkins did not care for me. She did not pay my medical bills. There was no such care from her. What I received from Catherine Wilkins was callous infidelity. #METOO Professor Catherine Wilkins was cheating on me, as I was fighting for my life, taking chemo (ABVD), as I lay weak watching all my hair fall out, vomiting, and losing my white blood cells. As I was filled with fevers of over 100 degrees from internal infections because of my newly weak immune system, as I injected myself with special medication (Filgrastim/Neupogen) into my thigh to increase my blood cells and keep me alive — she was committing adultery on me. I almost died several times. She was not there. She did not care. She was having several affairs. The severely increased stress from her infidelity and deceit while my veins were filled with harsh, burning chemicals, equally almost killed me. My fragile health did not matter to her. Her continued cheating, and the coverup, is what she was focused on. Learning of Catherine Wilkins’ adultery, barely surviving cancer under these terrible conditions, I have been ravaged by daily PTSD and have tried taking my own life many times. Each day is often a struggle not to kill myself. It is the wonderful Dr. Robert Veith, MD at the Charity Hospital of New Orleans that saved my life. It is the nurses that gently put the needle that would feed chemo into my veins that saved me. It is the social workers and oncologists of New Orleans that are the reason I am breathing today. Let me tell you a few other factors that helped me live on: My dream to be an extremely good husband, and an extremely good father one day (if chemo has not taken my fertility), kept me alive. I am an artist. Among the many arts in my training: I am a painter, photographer, writer, and co-composer, lyricist, and librettist of musicals. My ultimate drive to leave a positive, artistic mark on this earth, to one day change the world of art, literature, and music, kept me alive. Each time I nearly died of fever and neutropenia, I told my oncologists, they must save my life, because I have to impart to this world art. I told my nurses, as they aligned the needle to my vein, keep me alive because I have to give this world better. I told myself, stay alive because the art world needs me. Catherine Wilkins was the most negative factor in my battle with cancer. I live by two self-made mottos. First: “Don’t be a victim. Be your own hero.” I am a victim of Catherine’s adultery, and more of her wrongs, and I will state it as “victim.” But I am also my own hero. And each day I wake up, I fight to be my own hero. My second motto is: “Art is not the result of creation. Art is the pinnacle of creation.” I am an artist. I strive to make the best. Anyone can create. It just means you made something. Art, is the best that mankind can bring forth at that moment in time, of that place in history, with all that is known. I believe art is a single, unified world; only speaking many languages. I will also tell you: Oncologists and social workers are saints. They gave me the gift of my life. I will tell you, anything I have done in my life since then, everything I will ever do, I owe to this trinity: 1) Art. 2) Dr. Robert Veith, MD. 3) The social worker who after each treatment would write a note to tell the downstairs pharmacy to sneak into a small paper bag my Neupogen injection (which cost many hundreds of dollars), because I could not afford it, and I would have certainly died after each chemo cycle without it. This social worker, is a miracle worker. That secret miracle of hers — sneaking me Neupogen — and my thanks for it, I feel everyday. Those mortal angels at the Charity Hospital of New Orleans gave me life. I have been informed Catherine Wilkins applied for the CDA Scholarship (Catholic Daughters of the Americas). Only recently did I discover this past application. On her scholarship application, Catherine wrote these exact words: “The illness of a loved one has depleted my savings and caused a great deal of medical debt which I help pay, while at the same time impeding my graduate education and making my progress as a student somewhat difficult. “Unfortunately, over the summer between my graduation and my planned matriculation at Tulane, my boyfriend of four years developed a cough which prompted a visit to the doctor’s office. After several tests and minor surgeries, the doctors discovered that my boyfriend was suffering from Hodgkin’s Disease, a type of cancer. As an orphan, my boyfriend had no one else to care for him, and I was reluctant to abandon him in such a state. Since he was unable to maintain treatment in New Orleans, it was necessary for me to remain in the Tampa area. “Unfortunately, I had not planned on attending U.S.F. for graduate school, and consequently had not applied for any scholarships. … I was extremely troubled … due to the stress I experienced as a result of my boyfriend’s battle with cancer… “… I earned twelve credit hours toward my Master’s Degree in Art History at U.S.F. before my boyfriend’s recovery allowed me to continue my education at Tulane University. While I still have a tuition scholarship and a job at the school, I have encountered a great deal of expenses … along with aiding my boyfriend with his accumulated medical expenses … Because I stayed in Florida with my boyfriend for the first year of my graduate experience and payed for much of my schooling on my own, my savings have been virtually depleted… “Recently, my grandmother, a Catholic Daughter for over four decades, brought this scholarship to my notice. It seems like true help from G*d … I would be more able to dedicate some of my own earnings each month to help my boyfriend meet the cost of the medical expenses he has unfortunately accrued. While his illness and the ensuing chaotic changes in my life have certainly been taxing … I am very grateful that I have had this opportunity … to help another … the past year has taught me so much about life, love, and faith …” These are all lies. Despicable lies. I am that boyfriend that Catherine writes about in her scholarship application. Except for myself enduring cancer, Catherine Wilkins lied on nearly every account. *** Catherine writes: “After several tests and minor surgeries…” This shows how little Catherine Wilkins knows of my condition that she professes. I had one surgery. And it was not “minor.” My chest was cut open through the bone, my sternum split apart, drainage tubes put in my abdomen, the doctor looked at my cancer inside my body, took a biopsy, then my chest was wired shut. I have metal wires across my sternum and a very long scar down my chest, and two more on my stomach, that I see everyday. *** Catherine used the fact that I was an abused orphan (I ran away from home to escape the abuse), to say “…I was reluctant to abandon him in such a state.” Catherine did abandon me. She committed adultery on me. In this form of lie, Catherine used my past abuse, to further abuse me in the present. *** Catherine writes: “Since he was unable to maintain treatment in New Orleans, it was necessary for me to remain in the Tampa area.” This is false. I received all my treatment in New Orleans. She lied about this to benefit her own living and school location. *** Catherine further writes: “…due to the stress I experienced as a result of my boyfriend’s battle with cancer…” Catherine experienced no stress from my cancer. She was callous, calculated in gaslighting (decieving) me, and she was cheating on me. She knows very little of my battle with cancer, because she was not there. *** Catherine also states: “…at U.S.F. before my boyfriend’s recovery allowed me to continue my education at Tulane University.” She was not present for my recovery. Catherine Wilkins impeded my recovery. She was the greatest disabling factor during my cancer treatment. *** Catherine makes numerous statements such as: “…aiding my boyfriend with his accumulated medical expenses…” *** She even writes: “It seems like true help from G*d … I would be more able to dedicate some of my own earnings each month to help my boyfriend meet the cost of the medical expenses he has unfortunately accrued.” Catherine Wilkins did not pay for anything related to my cancer treatment. She did not pay for my Neupogen or any medical bill. She probably has no idea what Neupogen is. Certainly not at the time when ABVD was burning my insides, causing me extreme nausea, and taking my hair and worse – my immune system. Does she even know what ABVD stands for? Catherine was never there for a single one of my treatments, she did not take care of me, and she did not incur a single debt. When after a chemo treatment, my blood count dropped to deadly levels, and it was in the middle of the night, probably midnight, that I became infected from nearly any germ, and my body was burning up, and I couldn’t decide to try to let the fever pass or not, I had to crawl to the phone — alone — and call a cab to take me to the hospital. I was dying. I knew it. Somehow at the late hour, the marvelous Dr. Robert Veith, MD showed up, like a rescuing angel. He instantly put me on antibiotics. Dr. Veith told me I was hours from certain death. If I stayed at home and tried to let the fever pass, it would have been the last fever of my life. It was one of several times Dr. Veith saved my life. Catherine Wilkins was never there. She never met a single one of my New Orleans doctors or nurses. Does Catherine even know how to uncap a Neupogen syringe, tap out any oxygen bubbles, pinch the skin, and inject Neupogen into a cancer patient’s thigh, upper arm, belly, or buttocks? No. She never did this. She wasn’t there for me. I was completely alone. Catherine Wilkins states: “As an orphan, my boyfriend had no one else to care for him, and I was reluctant to abandon him in such a state.” Catherine: How can you tell such a lie? For your own gain. After I nearly died — alone — several times — crawling to my phone for a cab barely before I died, cleaning up my own vomit from chemo because I didn’t make it to the toilet in time — you, Catherine, instead write such terrible lies of your actions, on your college scholarship. Every time I was weak, I had to scrape my own strength together. Charity Hospital is what paid my medical debts for chemotherapy and related treatments. A magnificent social worker is who made sure I had Neupogen. I am the one — alone — that had to disinfect my own home, cook my own meals my stomach could handle on chemo, wipe and dig out vomit from my carpet when my stomach couldn’t handle anything, inject my own thigh. Catherine Wilkins’ adultery while I fought cancer is what almost ended my life. Catherine Wilkins’ lies are pathological. Catherine, I ask you: Do you know how this feels? It is being raped. You have raped me as your “loved one” and as a cancer patient. I was enduring cancer, begging the Creator for my life, being cheated on and lied to. And now used — and spiritually raped — so an adulterer can advance themselves. Catherine: How could you? Why? Was cheating not enough pain to me? And now you use my name and condition to apply for scholarships? Catherine: Do you have no limit in your cruelty and selfishness? Almost everything I hold sacred, Catherine Josephine Wilkins took from me. There has been a pain in my chest cavity for years. I do not know if it is cancer returning. Some days I hope it is, so I would die. But then I think of my dedication to bettering art, and my dream to one day be a good husband and father, and raise a next generation of productive children that may become leaders in art, medicine, or positive social consciousness. Because of the PTSD I suffer from Catherine’s actions, I have not had any cancer checkups since my initial treatment. Not one. Because I am afraid, that if my Hodgkins Lymphoma returns, or I have developed another cancer, and I must undergo chemotherapy again, I am afraid the PTSD from Catherine will truly kill me this time. I am afraid my depression that often overcomes me from these memories and flashbacks, on top of new chemo, will weaken my immune system more than before, and if I acquire neutropenia, if my white blood cells drop and my body becomes infected, I may not inject myself with Neupogen and I may just finally let myself die. When death from neutropenia is close and might occur, I know that is when my morale to live on will be the weakest. I do not want your sympathy. I want to be heard. All victims of adulterers and cheaters need to be heard. I want to tell as much of my story as I can possibly bare. Even now as I type, I shake from the memories of such incredible hurt. Read my story, but please, I beg, I want to be left alone. I have suffered enough. I am continuing to struggle to repair my mental health and my life after the damage Catherine has caused. Surviving adultery, cancer, chemo, PTSD, and so many other dreadful situations has been more difficult than Sisyphus’ fate. Each day I pull from my inner strength. Each day, my soul cries. #METOO As a very young child: I was sexually, physically, and mentally abused by my biological parents. I was physically raped by several men on numerous occasions. I ran away from home at a very young age to break this cycle, and to take life into my own hands and on my terms, so I could lead myself in a positive life. I had dreams. Positive dreams. Big dreams. And I did not want this child abuse to hold me back. As an adult: None of it, none of it, compares to what Dr. Catherine Josephine Wilkins did to me. As a child, I have been physically raped. I endured each rape, and left it behind, because it was quick and done. There were no mental games involved. Just physical abuse. I could decide if I wanted any damaging effects. I decided physical rape would not hurt me. Could not hurt me. I moved on quickly. In many ways, it made me a stronger person. Because I decided to be stronger. Catherine Wilkins’ form of rape, has been the most damaging experience in my life. I have never healed. Because I could not decide. She never let me. Catherine did not let me make my own informed decisions. Catherine destroyed my mental health and stability. Dr. Catherine Wilkins is a professor at the USF Honors College. It is absolutely ironic and sadly absurd that Catherine teaches courses dealing with “depression, PTSD, and other mental health conditions” and is “the director of Medical Humanities curriculum in the Morsani College of Medicine.” This person that has used, abused, and manipulated a cancer patient while undergoing chemotherapy. This is an atrocity to cancer patients and patients of PTSD. Yesterday, to soften my pain, in a previous posted article, I did not physically describe myself or Catherine directly. I described myself as a personal trainer. I described my significant other as an unnamed person with blondish hair and green eyes. My significant other, was Catherine Wilkins. I realized, the pain cannot be softened by just changing eye color. I want to talk logically about my experiences with infidelity and abuse. I need to share my story. Because victims of adultery and abuse need to be heard. Adultery is a spirit-draining, destructive event in a person’s life. Unfortunately, cheating is very common today. Adultery, and the coverup is no small thing. The person you most trusted, most loved, has betrayed you. Has betrayed your faith, and your commitment. What you held sacred, has been trashed. And by the person you love. That discovery, turns your world upside down. Sadly, many will commiserate with my experiences. It is one of the largest wounds a person can inflict on another. Unfortunately, adulterers like Dr. Catherine Wilkins are extremely common. Cheating and adultery co-exist with signs of further dishonesty and immoral and unethical behavior. Usually, lies and lack of character go much farther than just adultery. Victims of infidelity and adultery need to be heard. Only two or three closest friends know this whole story. I met Catherine Wilkins like anyone else. By chance. It came to be, that we frequented the same place. One day, a certain person noticed me. She would come into my place of work at the time, and buy incense from me. As I bumped into them at the checkout counter repeatedly, once every week or two, but never talking, I finally noticed them as they were noticing me. I called her “my incense girl.” I was single. I’m not one to play the field. I always believed in true love. I always believed you wait for the best, and you try to be the best yourself. Being your best, is a gift you give to others. Soon, I was mesmerized by this person I kept seeing in glimpses. Who was this Italian vase with big brown eyes and long brown hair? They were a little awkward at first, but I just found that more endearing. I wondered, are they single? Do they live nearby? Is this their neighborhood? Why does she keep frequenting this same place, buying so much incense, but never talking, just shyly coming in? Were they even looking at me? I hoped they were. In my heart, I decided I wanted to give them a chance, and I wanted to take a chance, which is rare for me. I can be shy. And more so, I am choosy. I wanted to get married one day, so ultimately I was searching for someone of quality. After several months of these passing incense glances, I finally approached this person, and to the jump of my heart and loss of my breath, we exchanged phone numbers and made a date. I learned her name: Catie Wilkins. Was this new person the person I was meant to be with? I didn’t yet know, but every date we had, I treated them with utmost respect, romantic passion, and a desire for the future. I believe in foundations. In a relationship, foundations are built from the day you meet. I date rarely, and when I do, I believe one should always consider and treat the person opposite you that one day they may be your significant other. You may raise a family with them. You may spend the rest of your life with them. You may even have grandchildren with them! And if things don’t work out before all that, it is called dating. And you try again and keep searching. But like a gift, you should always leave that person better for knowing you. As an artist, it is my mission to be my best. I love assisting and guiding people as well. I love seeing when people improve. Lives begin on Day One. Date One. And if you’re lucky, the date ends the day you both grow old and die together. It may happen. Treat your first date that way. When you’re old, and still in love, you’ll be grateful. To my heart’s surprise, I continued dating this person, and they continued dating me. We became inseparable. The sunset was a sunrise. It was extraordinary. Everyday, I could not wait to see them. And everyday, I respected them, and respected myself, and I loved them, and loved myself. I waited many years in my love life. She was practically my first anything. Life is supposed to be a beautiful journey. I felt I just met the beautiful part, and I wanted to see where this journey would go. Saving love, and giving love, to one person, is a rare and sacred treasure. I was a virgin into my 20s. By choice. I wanted to be a virgin until I met the woman I would marry, so they may have of me what no other has ever had. I did this not from religion, but from personal integrity. I did this because I wanted a strong marriage one day, something my abusive parents did not have. I did this for the love-of-my-life who I hadn’t met yet, but knew one day I would. My wife would be my equal, I would be their equal, and it was my desire to make love to only one woman until death. To me, love has true integrity. This person, Catie Wilkins, who I saw by chance, and that chance repeated itself again and again over many months until I knew it wasn’t chance, and this person who I finally built up the courage to go on a date with, after a brave question and a “yes,” became my significant other. We were together happily for several years. Our lives changed and grew. I loved Catie deeply. Catie gave me a silver ring with “Josephine” written on it. I gave Catie a custom silver ring with my own name on it. The ring I had made was so special to me, I had the crafter re-make it twice, to my exact specs, so it would be perfect for Catie. I would accept nothing less, than giving Catie perfection, if it is to be a ring on her finger. All happy relationships tend to be the same. You’re busy building a life together. We probably did what all other happy couples do. At my home, we watched dolphins swim in the canal, roamed beaches, swam, shopped at Publix, cooked meals and sometimes out in the marvelous Florida air, went on road trips, camped, saw movies, pet sting rays at the aquatic zoo, and every day kissed for hours until it transformed into an endless time. Our daily goodbye kisses probably lasted an hour. Boring to some maybe, but to me, it was always special. I took no day for granted. If you’re in love, neither should you. Every day is part of an age that passes. Seize that moment, for it will never return. Like a tree’s rings, it will be another age soon. As a tree growing productive fruit, I wanted all my ages to pass by beautifully with Catie. When Catherine Wilkins was deciding on her future, I told her she should do something meaningful in her life. As a multi-disciplinary artist, I introduced her to the arts, and their importance. But when Catherine started college, I noticed a change. Catherine slowly, but surely, behaved differently. She had new friends. It was almost unnoticeable at first. Catherine started spending her time with people I did not know before. My significant other now dressed differently to go out with these people I didn’t know. Why were they going to certain parts of town? She worked at the USF library, why did her workplace stories seem unprofessional? I started to ask a few basic questions. Catherine accused me of being jealous. To explain my growing apprehensive and confused behavior, Catherine told everyone else it is because I was jealous of her. That started to paint me in a bad light, another lie of hers. I wasn’t jealous, I was trying to find out if my significant other was cheating on me and hiding it. Jealousy is a common defense cheaters use. Catherine Wilkins is attractive. Ideally, we should find our significant other handsome or pretty, or pleasing to our own eyes. To me, my significant other was the perfection of a Greek vase (she’s Italian). Many others found my significant other attractive as well. That is not jealousy. I was not a jealous person. I always trusted my significant other. But when I slowly became suspicious, Catherine used jealousy as a bulwark. This confounded me. If everything was above board, I would have no reason to be jealous. It just is not a proper emotion, in my own opinion. Being jealous, in a way, is like watching over a pot of water, seeing if it will boil. It either will, or it will not, constantly watching it makes no difference. So, to me, jealously is completely useless. So when I kept hearing the word “jealous” pop up, and directed at me, it was another small sign. Because I knew the green-eyed monster was not in my own character. I had loved this person for years, I had never been jealous before, and I certainly wasn’t jealous of anything now. …Even after I finally learned Catherine cheated on me, I was never jealous. However, I was destroyed. Jealousy did not destroy me. The drawn-out lies and game of chase-the-goose destroyed me. The fact my significant other put everything I ever trusted in them, and love, up in flames, is what destroyed me. Those that have been in this situation know: Doubt, questions, and growing suspicions are very different than the emotion of jealousy. Many victims start “looking and acting jealous,” because they are confused. There is a major difference. But cheaters often know how to play this up, to reverse the negative attention. I was certainly perplexed. Experiencing reasons to believe your significant other is cheating on you (especially when they are), is not jealousy. It is sanity. While your significant other is trying to make you insane. I was seeking answers. So Catherine simply added this to her stories and lies she told to others that knew us, that I was becoming unreasonably jealous. Catherine received a lot of sympathy and pity this way. I’m sure countless others have been put through this routine before. It is another form that my significant other used to deflect, misdirect, and get attention off themselves, and even put the negative light focused onto me. It confused me even more. Catherine sometimes laughed at my questions, diminished me, and always denied me truthful answers. It turned out: Catherine Wilkins, my significant other, was gaslighting everyone. In our relationship, I always wanted the best for my significant other. I wanted that from the day we met, from the moment over incense that they stole my heart. From our first date, I wanted the best for them. That is called true love, truthful love. That is called emotional and personal maturity. If I am not the best for my significant other, then I want them to have and find the best. Love is not confining someone. Love is not trapping them. My significant other, Catherine, sadly, did not feel the same. They wanted me, and secretly wanted others — at the same time. Catherine did not want what was best for me, she just wanted what she wanted. Sadly, what Catherine wanted was s*x with others without telling me. Sadly, what Catherine wanted, went beyond a single affair, which is awful enough, but she involved many people, and many dirty and dishonest activities. Catherine blinded me, gaslighted me — all to hold me down while she went out and committed adultery. As I got closer to her lies, my significant other slowly made me appear to be the bad person, to others, to protect themselves. Catherine made me doubt everything. My core was shaken. If you have been cheated on: A thousand knives go through you when you seriously contemplate it may be happening. While you feel pain, they feel sexual pleasure, and they are often able to twist their deceit into their own gain. Catherine did this frequently. Gaslighting is a common practice in cheating. The definition of “Gaslighting”: A form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim’s belief. You may find more information on Wikipedia under “Gaslighting.” In most ways on the Wikipedia page, gaslighting perfectly describes and explains the methods of Professor Catherine Wilkins. Adultery is a web of lies, and the cheater is the killer spider in the middle of it. Everyone around gets tangled up in the cheater’s web, many don’t even know it. And the spouse is the insect wrapped in the web the tightest. Usually the web is so tight around the spouse, they are blinded — until they start feeling bites, and realize the cheater is feeding on them. But cheaters and spiders hide themselves. Often you know you are in a web — but what exactly is the web? You feel the bites and the pain, you know you are stuck on something — but it takes so long to find out that your world is being devoured. Being cheated on is destructive to the mind, the soul, and can make you as physically sick for many months, even years, as any medical illness. How does a victim function, while also dealing with trying to find out the truth, and absorbing the terrible blows? The answer to the question, “How does a victim function?” is: I couldn’t function at my daily tasks or my job. I could barely function in my daily life or work towards my life’s goals. Everyday I was supposed to be studying art, literature, sciences, and writing. Building my career and future in the arts. But I couldn’t function at times. My mind kept drifting, trying to understand what was truly going on with Catherine. I started to lose weight — and that is not a good thing: I couldn’t eat. I was sick to my stomach many days. At times, my head was faint, my body tingly and numb. What I like to do for others, help them be positive and improve, I could not do for myself. By definition, cheating is the ultimate in dishonesty: It is secret, and borderline evil. Catherine Wilkins’ actions, are pathological, more than extremely shameful, and vile. No cheater says: “Excuse me, Honey. I just received a text from one of my lovers. I am going to go out and have s*x with someone else that isn’t you. I’ll be back later.” Though, a cheater will say to your face: “I love you,” “I miss you,” “I can’t wait to be back in your arms.” In fact, as you know, a cheater will say these tender and beautiful words to multiple people at the same time. My own significant other, Catherine, told me many loving words, as she was hiding having s*x with other people. It is far too common with abusers that they show tenderness, gentleness, and use words of love. Outwardly mean people, usually are not attractive. Being outwardly mean, is usually not conducive to cheating. Cheaters often cultivate a charming personality. They work on their tools. Their mask. Catherine Wilkins’ mask was good. She was an expert liar, if not just a persistent and stubborn denier. Many cheaters will tell you (though of course not the person they’re cheating on), that cheating and attracting multiple lovers boosts self-confidence. Cheating can often make one “shine.” They have a new boosted step in their walk. A smile on their face. They are wanted by multiple lovers, and it makes them feel like they’re on top of the world. However, cheating is as low as you can get. I already noticed Catherine was dressing differently before going out, behaving differently, subtly concealing friends and contacts, and dismissing questions I asked. She was now snapping at me. I saw a photo of Catherine Wilkins giving a beach pirate statue a b*****b. I told her this was not appropriate behavior. I told Catherine these new friends of hers were not good influences. Catherine told me, “I wasn’t giving the pirate statue a b*****b. I dropped my keys.” I told Catherine, this is another sign something is going on with her. She just repeated, “I dropped my keys at the pirate statue.” Only much later, she admitted she was doing exactly that – pirate f******o. This was a very small example of much bigger and worse behavior in her that was hidden from me, and I only found out by the occasional chance and slip-up. Much later, I learned Catherine was happily going to male strip clubs and singing “It’s Raining Men” at karaoke. Again, I told Catherine, these are very inappropriate actions in a loving relationship. Catherine callously dismissed it. Inside my gut and mind, I painfully wondered if pirate f******o and male strip clubs were connected. Something truly revealing, I noticed: My significant other started shaving body hair in a new way. So another piece was they were dressing and grooming differently, more seductively, in tighter and thinner clothing. Sometimes just to go to work at the USF library. These small hints told me, more and even more, something terrible was up. Nothing was discovered overnight, these changes in my significant other were mostly hidden and revealed step-by-step. When I mentioned a few more of these perceived changes, I was given excuses like: “It’s hot outside.” It is Florida. It does get hot. But I had known my significant other long enough to know what they wore in hot weather when we met, and for all the previous years in our relationship. I took showers with her and we shared a sink and bathroom. Why change shaving and dress habits now? Week by week, Catherine’s personality changed slightly. But again, my significant other dismissed me. Eventually, I felt they were not the same person. When you love someone, you know when they change. But no one is a mind reader, and when you love someone, the last thing you want to imagine is they are having an affair, or possibly more than just an affair. You just want to ask: What do all these changes in the person I love mean? Catherine and I had a session with a marriage counselor. I had one question for her: “Did Catie cheat on me, and is she still cheating?” Of course Catherine stonewalled, would not answer any direct questions, and tried to transfer negative attention towards me by exaggerating and searching for anything she could pin on me. It wasn’t easy, and there wasn’t much. Because from the first moment I met Catie, I wanted to show Catie my best. I loved Catie, and I gave Catie my best every moment I could. I believe we should all give each other our best. Both strangers and loved ones. Catie always received my best at every moment’s situation. I am proud of that. However, the marriage counseling session was fruitless. The marriage counselor said any therapy would take at least 10 sessions, at around $150/per session. She said, the first 10 sessions are just listening, before any serious questions like “cheating” are asked. I replied, “I do not have $1500 to find out if Catie cheated or is cheating, when she can just answer me honestly now.” I sadly learned much later, there is a wide world of cheating. It is massive. Cheating and adultery are practically an Olympic sport. Trying to catch the lies of my significant other, was like herding cats. I maybe caught one or two percent. But there were years of lies. I never knew how many lies and how far they went. Lies are like cockroaches. In Florida, we certainly have our share of roaches and palmetto bugs. A lie is like a roach. You find one lie in the open. But there are 500 more lies hiding in the walls. The rest scurry so you can’t catch them. My own significant other attacked my mental health. And I could not tell around me, what was true. Everyone around us was unknowingly involved in Catherine Wilkins’ lies. Catherine even had to make sure her parents said the right lie to me, and I said the right lie to her parents, because her parents and I thought Catherine’s lies were the truth. Catherine sometimes would shut me up quickly before I said something. I didn’t know why then, but I know why now. Catherine lied to her own teachers and professors. Some people saw parts of the truth, but didn’t know it was a lie. Or saw a lie, and didn’t know it was true. Catherine Wilkins had accomplished quite a balancing act. Life for me became like walking into a funhouse maze of mirrors. Except it was farthest from fun. It was dumbfounding h**l. Everything was distorted, I didn’t know what was real, my life and mind was quickly becoming confused, I was starting to look like a fool, and I had no idea where the exit was, because the truth and the safe way out kept moving. What another terrible fact is, of course I was having unprotected s*x with my significant other. I loved Catherine. We had been together for years. I saved my virginity for her. Catherine Wilkins is the woman I thought I would eventually marry. I thought she was the only woman I would ever make love to in my entire life. What I maturely and with integrity held tender, important, and sacred into my 20s — my virginity — Catherine took and trashed. Now I was exposed to STDs by Catherine. And she wouldn’t admit to anything, or give me details I needed. Catherine never told me how many s*x partners she had simultaneously while still being with me. I assume Catherine was having unprotected s*x with her co-cheaters. I found a bottle of antibiotic medication Catherine was taking. Of course, she denied what this medication was for, too. Catherine said some antibiotics are for multiple diseases, because pills can kill many illnesses, so she repeated it wasn’t what I thought. One of the diseases this medicine cured, was an STD. So, later, I had to get tested for STDs. My first STD test ever. All because Catherine cheated, lied, and endangered my sexual health. I won’t tell you the outcome, for privacy. How a person can knowingly, willingly, purposefully give or expose the innocent (and gullible) they supposedly love and are making love to, to STDs, is beyond me. But it happens everyday, sadly. Why would a cheater care if you got an STD from them? Cheaters, no matter what they say, are ultimately heartless and manipulative. It just goes with the territory. When a cheater tells you they still love you, I’m sorry, but you’re a fool. That is an abuser telling you they love you. A cheater, when caught, may tell you, I cheated because I was feeling [*insert their excuse*]. As a victim of infidelity, I will tell you there is no reasonable excuse. When is it excusable to lie? To hurt, to harm? Can a person say: “I was feeling [a certain way], so I robbed a bank.” Can a person say: “I was feeling [a certain way], so I stole your car.” Can a person say: “I was feeling [a certain way], so I robbed you of everything you hold dear.” Are these legitimate reasons to offer? When you feel that [certain way] — before you cheat, that is when you’re supposed to speak up and dissolve the marriage or relationship fairly, ethically, transparently, and above board. I always told Catherine how I was feeling and what I was doing, so she could always make informed decisions within our relationship. That is what a loving, considerate partner does. That is what an honest person does. Catherine did not do the same for me. She constantly was gaslighting me. I always told Catherine, until the day we are married, if she ever found another person she was romantically or sexually interested in, to tell me, and we would deal with it. I believe love is letting a person decide in the course of their love and life. Courses change. Catherine preferred to commit adultery. Having crazy, wild s*x — or simply dating a new person — is not a sin. It is seriously wrong, however, when you do it dishonestly, and within a marriage or a current relationship. People are welcomed to have any kind of s*x life they want, as long as it is consensual, and not dishonest to the others involved. When you choose to be within a marriage or relationship, however, ethics would say you limit that s*x life to the spouse you are committed to. Your crazy and wild — or normal — or any kind of s*x life is supposed to be with the one person you call your significant other. If for some reason you are unsatisfied, or want to explore horizons, you are not supposed to cheat. You are supposed to discuss this honestly with your significant other, dissolve the relationship if needed, and then go live your new s*x life any way you want. My significant other, of course, did not do this. Catherine chose to keep me, and keep me by lies and gaslighting, and cheat instead. It destroyed my world. When we are children, we learn to trust. We trust our parents, our grandparents. We choose friends we can trust. We trust our teachers. When you find out your significant other is not among the people you can trust, it cracks everything. You break. Getting to the truth of cheating, often is like pulling teeth. Every cheater is an acid eating away at trust. I found out my significant other was cheating like anyone else: by emails and text messages, mysterious new people in their life, suspicious activities, and changes in behavior. Catherine denied and deflected, and pawned off the text messages and emails as “innocent fun.” A joking game being played between two people who are “just friends.” However, Catherine’s text messages were not innocent. And who was this “friend” that I didn’t know? Why would this outside person be talking this way to my significant other? Why is my significant other talking to a “friend,” in a style my significant other never even talked to me? Why did this “friend” seem to have “privileges” and importance I did not? Did this “friend” even know about me? Did this “friend” care? Well, of course this “friend” did know about me, and didn’t care. But it wasn’t that easy. My significant other did not say, “You found out. I’m caught. Here’s the truth.” Catherine kept denying and deflecting. I wondered about her college life, and more so, her “work” at the USF library. Was she always going there for “work?” Did my significant other have a secret life? Of course they did. Who was this “friend” she was exchanging inappropriate texts with frequently? This “friend” was David Brodosi, her boss at the USF library, where Catherine worked. I questioned her about the specific meanings and context of the text messages. They were sexual between Catherine and David Brodosi. They discussed “booty calls.” She explained them all as flirtations and teasing, but said nothing ever happened. I do not believe this. Catherine said she and David Brodosi “only” traded “p**n and s*x stories” at work, but never acted upon them. I do not believe “only.” As I narrowed in on their sexual conduct, Catherine tried to explain that she was innocent, that it was David Brodosi that grabbed her, took her head, pushed her down, and forced her to give him oral s*x. Catherine just accused David Brodosi of rape in order to hide their affair. Catherine was willing to possibly send David Brodosi to jail and be listed as a s*x offender, in order to alleviate the blame from herself. I told Catherine she must report David Brodosi as a rapist instantly. Then, because Catherine could not admit to any sexual touching, because she knew if I found out their affair was consensual, Catherine told me she was able to run away before anything happened. Her stories kept changing ever so much. Nothing was consistent from her. I do not believe David Brodosi in any way raped or tried to rape Catherine Wilkins. David Brodosi and Catherine Wilkins did carry on an unethical and immoral sexual affair. Their affair was consensual, and secret. There were more hush-hush “friends.” David Brodosi was just one of many. I was sad to find out, some of the hush-hush “friends” were people that I knew, or had worked with. On Catherine’s computer, I found a personal account and advertisement for “Adult Friend Finder” (a s*x hookup site) for “Cat” — and “Cat” was listing herself available for threesomes, men, women, and more. “Cat” is Catherine. My heart truly started to die. I was turning to ashes. Then I was diagnosed with cancer. Hodgkins Disease. I begged Catherine, to just tell me the truth. I found out I now have cancer, just tell me the truth, so I can enter chemotherapy with a clear mind. I pleaded with Catherine. I told her repeatedly: I will need all my strength. Catherine did not care. She was in too deep. Her lies too big. And inside, she was just too callous and selfish. Cancer, as I found out, will not stop another from cheating or lies. Catherine just told everyone she was taking care of me. She was not. She was mentally abusing me. Catherine Wilkins, is an abuser. When I lost of all my hair from chemo, Catherine said to prove her love, commitment, and solidarity with me, she would shave her head. Instead, Catherine Wilkins cut an inch off the ends of her hair, glued this one-inch of hair to a skin-colored bald cap, and tried to finish the illusion with a hat. Who the h**l is heartless enough to do this fake act to a cancer patient? Catherine Wilkins made a fake bald cap, trying to pass it as her real shaved head, as I was dying of chemo and without my own hair. I asked Catherine to take off the hat. Then I asked Catherine to take off the bald cap she created. Her several-feet length of brown hair was simply pinned beneath. Then I asked her to leave. I was fighting for my life, everyday. When I was in the cancer ward at Charity Hospital in New Orleans, I watched how a young boyfriend took care of his bald girlfriend who was also struggling for her life. He loved her. I overheard him tell the nurse how he bought his girlfriend face masks, and constantly sprayed disinfectant and cleansed surfaces, so her weakened immune system would be protected. As I watched the love this young couple had for each other, that this young, devoted man had for his girlfriend and her health… All I thought is: I have no one. I am alone. My girlfriend isn’t here. She’s not doing any of that. Catie is having affairs on me. I have cancer, and Catie is cheating on me. Even now, years later, my soul is still breaking, and my eyes are tearful. Catherine, you are the only person in my adult life, to even now this day, cause me to cry. My eyes nearly lose their function. Then, I recently learned, Catherine Wilkins wrote in a scholarship application praising herself for being the devoted, selfless girlfriend that loved me and paid my bills, and sacrificed hugely for myself and my health. Nothing is farther from truth. Catherine: Do you know how this feels? It is being raped. You raped my spirit and my mental health repeatedly. I had cancer, fought for life, and you cheated on me and lied to me daily. And now I found out, I was being used falsely in a college scholarship application, so an adulterer, and someone that did no such good deeds, can advance themselves. Catherine: How could you? Why? How could you tell people you were taking care of me, when you were cheating on me the whole time? How could you try to get scholarship money this way? How could you tell people you were in debt for paying my medical bills, when you were never even at one of my chemo treatments? Not one. Ever. The game my significant other played on me lasted an extremely long time, because it was a game of question and outright denial. I would hold a fact before her, and she would say it was something else. It was a game of making me question my sanity. It was a game of protecting themselves, their image, their illusion to others. Mind you, it sounds obvious now, but it took me many months, even years, to piece a fraction together. My significant other put my brain and heart in a blender. And this blender went on, and on. Victims know: When you love someone, you want to believe them, but you know something wrong is going on. As the innocent and confused victim, no one makes it easy on you. Cheaters are crafty to hide their smoking guns. A spouse with a respectable surface is the last person anyone would want to suspect. That’s usually the way it is. Just because someone is respectable on the outside, does not mean they’re respectable on the inside. The outside is just a superficial image. And that is what cheaters work hardest to sculpt and protect, because the professional, respectable image is a cheater’s castle, one of their defenses. Respectability becomes the moat they hope their victims cannot cross. It is also a weapon. Because respectability is what cheaters take into battle to coverup their infidelities. I am reminded constantly: How many respected people have committed the worst sins? Sometimes, the more “respectable” a person is, the more they crave hidden flings, or even more extreme sexual mischief. Sometimes, “respectable” people are extremely selfish, even dangerous. Cheaters often aren’t realistic in their own lives and affairs. Cheaters do it for many reasons. Often they fall for someone that flatters them, because they are weak inside, or do it for the fantasy and movie-like excitement, or to explore their wild side, or to boost confidence. All reasons are wrong when it is done dishonestly, and especially within a marriage or relationship. Cheating often shows many poor choices. This is one of many reasons why adultery reveals a person’s true character, and more so, lack of. Many times, cheaters tell others they are single. We all know, cheaters take off their wedding rings, when the cheating mood strikes them. Sadly, my significant other cared more about their outward respectability, than their inner respectability. My significant other thinks character is on the outside, like a book cover. Having true character on the inside, like a real and full book, is too hard for them. No one cheats because they have strong character, and usually those a cheater is having s*x with are in it for just that, s*x. The co-cheater also just wants the surface, the superficial body, the book cover, the benefits without the strings or obligations. This way, it is easy flattery. Exciting fantasy. Cheaters and co-cheaters want the glossy, fun book review, not the book. All illusion. I was the sucker. I wanted the book. The full book. I wanted the substance. I wanted what was inside. Depth. Equality. I wanted love. I gave love. I did not get love back. I gave equality. I received lies and infidelity. I received emotional and mental abuse. This is often worse than physical abuse. You can put a band-aid on a cut, even stitches. You can not easily put band-aids or stitches on your mental health, when it is cut apart by a cheater. Cheaters and co-cheaters bond, sometimes very deeply, because they share a secret. Part of it is like immature children sharing a secret club. And a bigger part is they share a secret they must protect. All of a sudden, the honest person in the relationship, is the outcast. The victim lands on spikes. I am an extremely strong person. I believe in being one’s best. And taking difficulties bravely. As an adult, my significant other is the only person in the world to inflict hurt to cause me to cry. The pain is of a sort of flaying of the skin, and explosion of organs inside the chest. Like a lot of the cheaters and adulterers on TV and in newspapers, my significant other never apologized, never truly felt bad at the destruction they caused. Never even fully admitted to it. I asked Catherine why she portrayed herself so differently to each person. In a brief moment of clarity, paraphrasing, she replied: “You wouldn’t like my true self. I lie to be what each person wants.” I asked her how she could tell so many awful lies to me. She answered: “I’ve been lying since I was a child. Sometimes I lie just to lie.” Catherine’s lies and lack of character went much further than just adultery. For if you can lie to the person you love and make love to, you can lie about anything. After finally uncovering a mere fraction of the infidelity, I left forever. I knew I only discovered the tip of the iceberg. My former significant other, Catherine Wilkins, hid everything else beneath dark, cold waters. Catherine Wilkins went on with her life and had many more affairs. Who else she lied to or cheated on after me, I do not fully know. I’m sure the lies never stopped. The lies are in her personal, sexual, family, and professional life. Catherine’s lies go to the core. It usually does. Catherine is also very respected. A supposedly upright member of the community. Catherine is: A master gaslighter. A master of illusion. In the aftermath, I was her victim left holding the pieces of my life. I had no real home anymore, no solid foundation, no mental peace. Catherine Wilkins stole all of that away from me. Everything I held sacred was violated by Catherine. My body was violated, my mind was violated, my future was violated. My faith and trust was destroyed. Cheaters like Professor Catherine Wilkins need to know the path of utter emotional — and usually manifesting in physical and mental — destruction they leave behind. I’m sure for every one of Catherine’s lies, there are 500 more in the closet. That is just how cheating and the coverup and an adulterous lifestyle works. A match cannot light all the darkness. Being cheated on leaves you with PTSD. It is extremely traumatic. The blood is not visible, because you are bleeding inside. Your soul and your mind is hemorrhaging. I still carry PTSD from the events and gaslighting Catherine Wilkins put on me. I do not want your sympathy. Sympathy does not get back the years — and trust — I lost. I want only to be heard. Cheating is not glamorous, it is not exciting. Cheating is wrong. The pain of the victim, feels like you are being skinned alive daily. Cheating and infidelity is abuse. Adultery is abuse. #METOO As a victim of cruel, callous cheating, my life has been torn to shreds ever since. Stand up for victims of adultery. Hear them. Catherine: You have nearly taken my life. You have lived your life. You have used my name to advance yourself, gain sympathy, and tell people you paid my medical bills and cared for me during my cancer treatments. You did no such thing as “care.” I have told my story. Catherine, you know you did so much more wrong to me than what is here. Please, Catherine, I beg you, I plea, leave me alone. Let me heal. Let me be the artist and man I am meant to be. You profess to care for the arts and its artists. If that is true, know you have damaged an artist that takes art far more seriously than most anyone. To future adulterers: Please think 1000 times before you cheat, and possibly destroy everything in the world of the person you are supposed to care about. Live in a relationship responsibly and, if it becomes that time… End a relationship responsibly. This is my story. Please learn from it. I do not want sympathy. I want to be left alone to continue the repair of my life. I almost had my life’s goals stolen from me. I struggle everyday to make sure I complete my personal mission in life: Art and to give what is better to this world. I am a visual, literary, and music artist. I write musicals. I recently met with an 8-time Tony-winning Broadway producer. If my musicals make it to Broadway, and are successful, I will be able to accomplish another of my life’s ambitions: To found charities and grants and make donations to help other artists. To donate the proceeds so other artists can grow. The great artists capture the human condition. They document. It is an honored tradition. What is remembered in history, is what is born by painters, musicians, writers, dancers, singers, explorers of mind and body. With ships of all kinds, and all materials, we venture into the universe. With art — of equal diversity of construction — we venture into ourselves. Fire, pain, passion for life — the constant, intense hammering and sparks — is what, like it imparts to a Samurai sword and the best steel, tempers and purifies our souls and creations. Fold after heartbreaking fold we are strengthened. Slag is forced out, beauty comes in. I end: By definition, creation is common. Art is rare. Rocks are plenty. But how many rocks are Mount Everest or Half Dome, Mount Fuji or the Black Mesa of San Ildefonso? Stunningly beautiful, wonderfully made, and culturally significant. Art is the pinnacle of creation.